Setting boundaries and narcissistic abuse

On Boundaries, Narcissism & Speaking Up

Narcissistic abuse or abuse of all kinds is everywhere. Yes — everywhere. It’s in the house next door. In the classroom down the hall. In the office beside yours. In the gatherings you take part in. And sometimes... you see it. You feel it in your gut. You’re trembling. But you’re also relieved. Because, this time, it’s not happening to you.

The other day, I asked several people — people who belong to groups that often support different cases— to sign a petition to stop emotional abuse in the workplace. Their reactions? Surprising. But maybe not. Some looked away. Others gave vague answers. It reminded me of that famous quote by Pastor Martin Niemöller — one we all know, but rarely act on:

“First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out — because I was not a socialist.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out — because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out — because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me — and there was no one left to speak for me.”

It never fails to amaze me how quickly people sign petitions for distant causes — metaphorical crocodiles in Afghanistan or endangered flies with red wings — yet when it comes to abuse happening right here, to people we know, people fall silent.

They say:
“Well, it doesn’t happen that much.”
“Well, not here. or it’s too controversial'“
“Well… it’s all about context.”

And to that, I say: honey, just wait. Wait until it happens to your friend. To your daughter. To your wife. To you. In the video above, I talk about boundaries — and how healing starts with one tiny, sacred step.

And now just in case you prefer to read the written word here. Nope it is not the same but it follows the same direction.

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The First Step Toward Healing: A Boundary

Maybe you’ve found this article because something in your life feels… off.
Maybe you're walking on eggshells. Maybe you’re constantly second-guessing yourself. Maybe you've been giving endlessly, forgiving instantly — and yet feeling hollow inside. You wonder how it all got so tangled.
You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” You try to keep the peace — but feel like you're losing pieces of yourself in the process. I want to speak to that quiet voice inside you. The one still whispering: “Something isn’t right.” Because healing begins with that whisper. And that whisper becomes a voice.
A truth. A boundary.

For So Long, I Didn’t Know What Boundaries Were

I thought love meant explaining myself patiently, understanding endlessly,
never needing anything in return. Sounds familiar?

But slowly, I began to feel invisible. Like I was erasing myself to make others comfortable. I was emotionally exhausted, yet afraid to say “no.” Afraid to set a line. Afraid to be “selfish.” Narcissistic abuse isn't always loud. Sometimes it’s disguised as concern. Guilt parading as love. Tiny criticisms that echo until your confidence dissolves. Until you no longer recognise the person in the mirror.

Boundaries Are Sacred

Let me say this with love and absolute clarity: A boundary is not a punishment. It is a sacred declaration of what you will and will not allow — in your body, in your energy, in your life.

It is saying:
❌ “I am not available for gaslighting.”
❌ “I will not shrink to make you comfortable.”
❌ “Your confusion is not my responsibility.”

Yes — people may not like it when you start setting boundaries. Especially those who benefited from your silence, your flexibility, your self-sacrifice. But that discomfort is not yours to manage. It’s not your burden to carry.

Please remember that you are allowed to…

You are allowed to walk away. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to protect your peace — even if others call you selfish, cold, or dramatic. That’s how control works: by making your strength feel like guilt. But boundaries are not cruelty. They are clarity. You are reclaiming yourself. They are how you begin to honour the version of yourself who stayed too long in places, relationships where you’ve been mistreated. You suddenly realise that you gave too much. You suddenly see clearly why? Instead of enduring and biting your tongue you give yourself permission to say no, nope, not again… take your time and simply get to know yourself better.

A New Way Forward

In my own healing — and in the stories of those I work with — I’ve seen the same truth again and again: Boundaries are the first act of freedom.

And when you set even one small one — you send a message to your nervous system: “I am safe now. I am sovereign. I’m coming home to myself.”

That’s powerful. That’s healing. That’s the beginning.

If This Speaks to You…

If something in this piece resonates — know that you’re not alone.
You’re not crazy. And you can heal.

Here on this Substack, I share reflections on healing from narcissistic abuse, rebuilding self-worth, and using creativity as a path to emotional freedom. Whether you’re just beginning this journey, or have been on it quietly for years — you are welcome here.

I’d love to hear from you:

• Have you begun setting boundaries?

• What was the hardest part?

• What helped you take that first step?

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Subscribe, comment, share your story — or simply sit with these words today and let them settle gently in your heart.

Your boundaries are valid.
Your voice matters.
And your healing is sacred.

Until next time, be well!

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