Belonging – or Becoming?

Belonging – or Becoming?

A reflection on silent codes, office tribes, and the war zone of conformity

Belonging is a tricky subject, isn’t it?
You can’t possibly cover it in one little talk.

But I want to share a few thoughts.

Let’s say…
Belonging to a tiny, tiny, tiny community.

Like the people in your office.

In some offices—have you noticed?—people dress in a particular way.
And no, it’s not a corporate dress code like for stewardesses or security.
It’s more subtle.
More tribal.

An unspoken code.

You’re not told to follow it.
But if you don’t…
You feel it.
You feel the quiet othering.

Doc Martens.
Chunky boots.
Tattoos.
Heavy black coats.
Oversized, distressed, ironic, edgy.

If you don’t join in—if you don’t look the part—
you become the watcher, not the participant.

And then there’s drinking.
Not just casually, but communally.
They drink together.
They laugh together.
They post the same memes.

That’s how they bond.
Through uniform. Through ritual. Through repetition.

It’s not exclusion by force.
It’s exclusion by design.
By vibe.

And when I look at some of these people, these little tribes,
I think:

War zone.
Battlefield.

Why?
Because that's what it resembles—visually, energetically.
There’s something harsh. Armoured. Defended.

And I find myself asking:

Why are military-style shoes being normalised?
Why are they made desirable?
What are they preparing the people for?

What’s behind this trend?

Is it just fashion?
Or is it fear in disguise?

The world—just look around—
starts to resemble the violent aesthetics of video games and dystopian TV series.
Monochrome. Brutal. Apocalyptic.

What is behind it all?
I wonder.
Deeply.

Is it rebellion?
Or resignation?
Is it a performance of strength—
Or a mask for a generation aching to feel safe?

So yes—
Belonging isn’t about fitting in.
It’s often about giving something up.

Your softness.
Your colours.
Your individuality.

Anyway.
Just a few thoughts.
And I’d truly love to hear yours.

Why do you think this is happening?
What have you seen?
What do you feel?

Let’s talk.

Bye for now.

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