The heavy coat of rejection and how to shift it one bit at a time

Rejection—a word, a feeling, a force that enters our lives in countless ways, often leaving behind pain, grief, uncertainty, and imbalance. I want to explore it through the lens of metaphor and offer an expressive art exercise to help shift its weight into something lighter, something that fosters movement, growth and self compassion.

Sometimes in life, rejection feels like an old, heavy coat that we can't shake off. For me, this coat felt like something harsh and uncomfortable—much like a military coat. The fabric, rough and scratchy against my skin, its colour dull and worn. The buttons, stark and cold like the ones worn by soldiers from another time. It's a coat that represents expectations, disappointment, and the weight of trying to fit into a mould that was never made for me. And maybe, just like me, you’ve felt the sting of rejection, an imprint that sticks with you, making everything feel heavier, more difficult.

But here’s where the shift happens.

What if, instead of staying in that heavy coat, you could slip it off, one button at a time? The coat, though once worn with the hope of protection, has grown too tight, too restricting. It no longer belongs to you.

Close your eyes for a few moments and Imagine, just for a moment, that you have the freedom to let go of it completely. You stand there, feeling the lightness, the space you've created, ready to embrace a new coat—one that fits your true essence.

For me, given my love for Japan, this new coat feels like a mysterious tayu robe—woven from the finest silks, rich with vibrant colors and stories untold. For you, it might take on a completely different form.

I can almost feel mine beneath my fingertips—flowers blooming across the fabric, their petals curling into smiles, while butterflies whisper messages of metamorphosis and tenderness. But this isn’t just any coat. It’s a reflection of you—your strength, your creativity, your unique power.

In this coat, you feel safe. You feel seen. The coat, unlike the old one, doesn’t scratch or feel like a tight jacket stopping you breath. Instead, it wraps around you like a warm embrace, full of possibilities, full of understanding. Every flower, every colour, is a piece of your unique story, your journey of resilience.

So, the next time rejection comes knocking, instead of letting it define you, think of it as the invitation to shed the old coat and step into the one that’s waiting for you. You were never meant to carry that heavy weight. Your true self, the one wrapped in color, vibrance, and power, is waiting to take the lead.

Try this exercise.

Take a piece of paper and start drawing the old military coat (or any other element you relate to representing rejection). Use the colours you feel .. for me it would be lots of brown, black and kaki reminding me of muddy waters, muddy roads. On the opposite side write about what this coat represents. Start with random words if it is easier. No need to overthink things. Take another piece of paper and draw the new beautiful coat. Us the colours you love and feel close to. On the other side write about the real you, shining, loving, winning.

You can use collage if it is easier. Bring a stack of magazines, a glue stick and look for elements representing rejection and images representing empowerment. Stick them randomly in your journal or any available piece of paper. Write about your experience.

Rejection isn’t a sign that you’re not enough—though I know all too well how much it can feel that way. When you’ve had to overcome trauma, every "no" or closed door can hit even harder, stirring up old wounds and reinforcing the belief that you’re somehow unworthy. But the truth is, rejection is often about circumstances, timing, or someone else’s limitations—not a reflection of your value. You are not defined by who accepts or rejects you. You are whole, worthy, and strong, regardless of anyone else’s recognition. Keep believing in yourself.

Thank you for joining me today. If this message resonated with you, share it with someone who might need to hear it.

Here are a few rejection themes I came across:

• “To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.” – Anton Chekhov

  (Rejection in love and life is inevitable, but fearing it only diminishes our existence.)

• “When you want to punish someone, reject them. There is no greater suffering.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky (The Brothers Karamazov)

  (Dostoevsky often explored the deep psychological impact of rejection and isolation.)

• “I am alone and they are everyone.” – Ivan Turgenev (Fathers and Sons)

  (A powerful expression of feeling rejected or out of place in society.)

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