When Suits Turn Cold: The Silent Cost of Narcissistic Abuse at Work
A heart-to-heart for those who’ve been gaslit, discarded, or made to doubt their brilliance—your story matters, and it’s time we talk about it
Last night, I received an email from the best manager I’ve ever had in my career. Yes we kept in touch occasionally over the last 20 years.
I read it—and I cried.
I cried for the times when I had no idea what narcissistic abuse at work even meant.
I cried for the partnership I once had with the country manager—for the trust I placed in him, and the trust he placed in me.
I cried for that atmosphere where no one needed a manual to explain what to do or not to do—because respect, kindness, and professionalism were simply understood.
(The truth is, the companies that boast the thickest policies are often the ones where those policies are broken every single day.)
I cried for the naïve version of myself who walked into new roles expecting similar work relationships—only to come face-to-face with monsters in suits.
I cried for the many, many people who will never get to experience the kind of managerial relationship I had… or the sense of belonging I once felt.
He deserves an entire blog post—and I will write it, very soon.
Because if you’ve ever left the office feeling like your soul was slowly being crushed,
you deserve to know:
there is another way.
Let’s start
I am writing these words for the ones who feel like they are going crazy, the ones who are second-guessing their worth, or walking on eggshells around a boss or colleague. Today I will write about another topic I know, a topic I understand intimately - narcissistic abuse at work. I will write with honesty and deep compassion without minimising the terrible ordeal, without giving you empty hope and prescribing a list of things you can or cannot do.
Very briefly let’s see what is NPD
It is key to understand that Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD, is marked by a deep need for admiration, a lack of empathy, and a grandiose sense of self. In the workplace, narcissists often manipulate others to maintain control or boost their egos. You might notice a manager who takes credit for your work, belittles you in meetings, hold information from you, puts you in uncomfortable situations just for the pleasure of seeing you struggle or puts colleagues against each other. If these actions sound familiar and you feel deeply uncomfortable you are facing such an individual.
Based on my own experience I can tell you that one of there most important moments is to recognise the patterns. Because there are patterns in the madness. Next, let’s cover briefly one of the classic tactics - gaslighting.
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is like a fog that slowly takes over your mind.
It makes you doubt your own memory, your instincts, your actions.
The monsters in suits may subtly humiliate you, give you impossible deadlines, or change expectations at the last minute—then blame you for the failure.
This is classic.
They do it with ease—because it’s already part of their fabric.
It’s automatic for them.
And yes—they feed off the pain they cause in others.
Some of them might not even be fully aware of it.
But some absolutely are.
If you understand what energy exchange means—or if you’re familiar with the concept of energetic vampirism—you’ll see the bigger picture.
Some of my readers might raise an eyebrow—and that’s OK.
I’ll be diving deeper into energetic vampirism in future blog posts.
The result? Over time, this breaks down your self-confidence and can even lead to anxiety or depression. They do the dirty deed and you suffer.
There is a cycle of abuse
The abuse often follows a predictable cycle.
At first, they might leave you alone—sometimes even offer praise (tight-lipped, simmering with inner resentment), especially if you’ve just saved their skin from something tricky or dangerous.
But don’t be fooled. It won’t last.
Next comes the devaluation phase—where nothing you do is ever good enough.
You’ll be watched.
Ridiculed.
Made to feel like an outsider if you don’t conform to their unspoken social rules—whether it’s drinking, smoking, parroting their political views, or sharing their hobbies (running, football, cycling—these are common group-bonding rituals in such environments).
Finally, they discard you—emotionally or professionally.
You might be replaced, sidelined, or frozen out entirely.
It’s confusing. Sometimes even addictive.
Because a part of you keeps chasing that initial moment of validation… hoping it will come back.
How do I protect myself?
That’s the normal question.
Hmm… this is quite a topic. I would never say there’s only one way of dealing with this. But most of the time, I would say: plan for exit. People—just like tigers—don’t change their spots.
In the meantime, there are a few things you can try.
Will they work? There are no guarantees.
You’ll hear many so-called specialists say:
Set clear boundaries.
Document everything.
Don’t feed the narcissist’s need for drama or admiration.
When communicating, stay calm, neutral, and fact-based.
Never share personal vulnerabilities with them—they may use it against you later.
Do I agree with these?
Hmm… yes, particularly with documenting everything, even recording (though it may not stand up in court). But it can help you realise you're not mad or bad.
As for staying calm, neutral, and fact-based— Do your best. But remember: you’re human. And it takes two to tango. No matter how many OM chants, meditation sessions, or psychotherapy breakthroughs you’ve had—
You. Are. Human.
And pain hurts.
Expect this. Prepare for it.
And above all: stop believing that you need to change.
You are a human being, having human reactions.
You are dealing with emotionally unwell people—damaged, and sometimes cruel.
Remember this.
It is not your fault. It is not you.
You are not crazy or weak.
You are in an unbearable situation—trying to survive and hold onto your sanity, no matter what.
The abuse you are facing is real.
It is not your imagination.
And no—it will not simply end.
Seek support—from trusted friends, a therapist, or online communities.
This is your lifeline.
It will help keep you grounded and sane while you prepare your exit plan.
Planning your exit is part of the healing.
It’s the first step toward reclaiming your power, your freedom, your sanity—and yes, even your quiet revenge.
There is life after narcissistic abuse.
Speaking about it is essential.
At first, it might be just a whisper in your journal, when you find the strength to write.
Then, one day, you’ll share with a friend.
Don’t expect everyone to understand. Many won’t.
They might downplay it or dismiss it—not out of cruelty, but because they simply cannot grasp it.
Expect that too.
If you can, talk to a therapist—but make sure they have real experience with narcissistic abuse.
And finally—each day, plan five minutes just for you.
Even five quiet minutes to do something that brings you the peace you’re craving.
It’s a start. A sacred space.
Last but not least:
You’ll start to hear others say,
“It happened to me too,” or “It’s happening to me right now.”
When you begin opening up about this topic, you’ll realise—you are not alone.
But please also understand:
Just because it's common, doesn't mean it's normal.
Years ago, people began speaking out about depression.
Over time, it became more widely acknowledged—almost normalised, like belonging to a silent tribe.
Let’s not allow the same thing to happen with abuse at work.
Let’s not accept it as just another sad reality, met with a shrug and the words:
“Well… there’s nothing we can do about it.”
We can. We must. We start by speaking up.
And from there, the healing begins.
If any of this resonates with you, please don’t keep it bottled up. Your story matters—more than you know. Sharing it might feel scary at first, but it can also be the beginning of your healing and someone else’s awakening. You’re not alone, and you’re not imagining it. Abuse thrives in silence, but truth—your truth—has the power to break that spell. So whether it’s a whisper in your journal, a conversation with a trusted friend, or a comment below… speak. I’m here, and others are too. Let’s keep this conversation going—heart to heart, soul to soul.
Until next time, be well!
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