What if self care starts with grieving?

Priestesses of the New Earth oracle deck cards

Project concept and direction Jill Chesrow

I don’t know about you, but I absolutely love oracle deck cards. There's something truly magical about them. I’ll share the full story another time, but for me, these cards represent trust, camaraderie, and storytelling in a world where trust often seems to disappear in the blink of an eye.

Priestesses of the New Earth oracle cards

The other day, I pulled a card from the “Priestesses of the New Earth” oracle deck. I enjoy pulling a card now and then, reading its message, and tuning into my own intuition to interpret the design. The card I pulled this time spoke to me about allowing love to enter the soul, an invitation to open the heart chakra and let love pour into a wounded heart. Grief, in its many forms, can block this flow of love, and the reasons for our grief can be so complex and varied.

Recently, it would have been my father’s birthday. Although he has passed on, I still find that day difficult. You might think it’s simply because I miss him, and while that’s part of it, it’s much deeper than that. My father’s life wasn’t easy; after retirement, he became deeply unhappy, and I want to believe he’s in a better place now, maybe even reincarnated on another planet where he has an exciting life so much deserved.

Painted by Shamsi Charlie Pettus.

Grieving for what could have been

But as I delved deeper into my feelings, I realized I wasn’t just grieving his absence. I was grieving for what “could have been”. That kind of grief is powerful. It’s the pain of lost potential, of relationships that never fully blossomed, of moments that never were. In my case, growing up in a "nuclear family" wasn’t the idyllic scenario it’s often made out to be. My family dynamic was marked by the presence of a malignant narcissist, a reality that warped the relationships within it. The love, connection, and safety that should have thrived were suffocated by control, manipulation, and fear.

When someone in the family is a narcissist, relationships are stunted. They’re hidden behind forced smiles, quick nods, or the occasional painful gaze. There’s closeness, but only in the physical sense, because emotionally, the narcissist maintains a barrier. They can’t afford to let love flow freely, as it threatens their control. That’s the grief one had to carry for years—the grief for a love that was never allowed to exist, for relationships that couldn’t grow because of that toxic interference. This is nothing new, it is a common theme in any relationships involving a narcissist.

Grief, when not allowed to be expressed, has a way of resurfacing later in life. It can haunt you in unexpected ways, lingering in the body, the heart, and the mind, especially when unresolved. The pain of a stolen connection, of what could have been, is one of the hardest things to reconcile.

To cope with grief, here are three techniques that have helped me:

1. Acknowledge your grief without judgment: It’s important to recognize that grief isn’t linear, and it doesn’t follow a predictable path. Allow yourself to feel the sorrow and disappointment without trying to suppress or rush through it. Gentle acceptance can soften the pain over time.

Photo by Umesh Soni on Unsplash

2. Create rituals for release: Whether it’s journaling, lighting a candle, or meditating on your feelings, having a ritual to process your grief can bring comfort. I find that pulling an oracle card with the intention of healing can provide a sense of guidance and clarity during difficult times.

Photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash

3. Nurture self-love and compassion: Be gentle with yourself. Grief can leave us feeling raw and vulnerable, but it's important to remember that you deserve kindness, especially from yourself. Practice daily affirmations or engage in activities that make you feel loved and grounded.

Photo by Elena Mozhvilo on Unsplash

4. Painting

Intuitive painting is a powerful tool for opening up the heart chakra and facilitating deep emotional healing. Through the free-flowing, unstructured nature of this practice, individuals are able to bypass the conscious mind and tap into their inner emotions, allowing them to express feelings that may have been buried or blocked. As the brush moves across the canvas without rigid guidelines, the heart begins to soften, and layers of grief, pain, or fear can gently rise to the surface and be released. Each color, stroke, and image becomes a reflection of the soul's journey toward healing. This process encourages vulnerability, self-acceptance, and compassion, helping to clear energetic blockages in the heart chakra and creating space for love, forgiveness, and self-compassion to flow in. Over time, intuitive painting can be a meditative practice that nurtures both emotional release and spiritual growth, offering a gentle path to wholeness and connection with the heart’s true essence.

Portal of love - Corina Stupu Thomas

When we begin to open ourselves up to love and healing, starting with self-love, we create space for something beautiful to grow, even in the shadow of grief.

Until next time, be well!

If you are searching for creative ways to bring purpose, balance, healing and joy to your life this is the place for you. My aim is to share life lessons, the power of art, creativity, storytelling in bringing meaning, balance to our lives, and in the healing we so crave for. What I know is that life is far from being linear, that often we experience trauma and at times, we stay locked in a cocoon of numbness barely surviving emotionally, but still marching. It could very well be that you feel as if your voice is nowhere to be seen, it could very well be that you don’t know who you are anymore. This publication will provide support through sharing life stories, creative prompts, writing prompts and ways to reclaim our voices and our lives.

To learn more about my work follow the linktree

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