Late last night I was sketching in my journal.
Actually I was moving my hand on the paper, trying to make sense of another week on planet Earth!
The impulse to write about my experience, the experience of - you are not respected here / a classic bully in the playground moment - was so strong, but I knew it was not the right time so my hand was moving frantically releasing the despair, bewilderment, unfairness, craziness of it all.
This is a technique I borrowed from a talented Russian YouTuber. The link is below! And it does make sense! It is a way of channelling the energy from inside out!
It is a way of screaming … without screaming, unlocking the feelings you feel and letting them go …… peeling the hurtful words, stares, the toxicity of a space you ve had to spend hours in, peeling the fear, the verbal abuse … letting them go.
It was a time when I was privileged to work with women who went or were going through narcissistic abuse. I knew then what I know now that many many women have to go through these experiences and the majority cannot escape from the clutches of their perpetrators.
Narcissistic abuse is like a virus … you come across it in the most sacred of spaces - families, it happens in the work environment on a massive scale as well.
I call it the viper virus - the one hiding in the darkest corners of the soul, striking with cruelty, feeding on other people s energies and no it is not the snake associated with the kundalini raising.
Dear reader, they are all around you! They learn to hide their stories and play the game, smile, be jovial, be normal whatever normal is required at that particular time … behind the scenes they are constantly in the survival mode, in the fight or flight mode.
They are in plain sight and although the attack is often on a one to one basis sometimes it is out in the open … and nothing happens …. People put their head down, in the sand, happy it is not them …
Human nature is about self preservation isn t it … hmmmm
When women find a space to put the mask down and share what s going on … it s a monumental shift …..
If only you knew how much courage they need to gather and speak to a third party about the ordeal they have to go through! If only! If only you knew how important it is to find that single voice who says … I am standing behind you!
At times only a phrase is coming out of their mouth. Or only a word. At times dipping the fingers into the pots of paints and touching the canvas is a start, and then dipping the whole hand and making a total mess, combining random colours without any logic was the breakthrough … the feeling that somebody was listening!
oh dear it s getting a bit heavy! But hey I write about what I know, about real life, real experiences.
What the hell is the message here? Well showcasing that art is if not a healer a metaphoric straw helping one go through tough times? That finding safe ears 😀 to talk to is important, that so many people suffer in silence and it is important to download whatever is too heavy to carry in one way or another.
If you can write about that do it, if you can paint about it do it, if you can stand up at least once and REPORT the bully/narcissist remember you are a hero! You are doing it not only for yourself but for the other silent souls who had no choice and no voice.
Just like you I consumed tons of self help books. The majority regurgitated phrases, chewed so many times that are void of any meaning or value to the reader. Although I am planning to cover this topic in a separate series of blogs I will say one thing.
When some gurus tell you that … you always have a choice, stop, put the book down, make yourself a cup of tea, take a pen in your hand and write about how those words make you feel! Remember our lives are unique, personal circumstances unique, never accept general strap lines as THE TRUTH or THE WAY. Just saying ….
I will leave you with some beautiful healing sounds!