Time to put yourself first
The compulsive behaviour of the bullies
A gloomy morning. No not outside. Much to my surprise outside it was only grey with some promises of a bit of sun. The gloom was inside, inside my mind. I don’t know about you but sometimes I simply cannot leave office matters outside the front door. The echo of that nasty, cruel remark was still vivid in my ears this morning, that icy energy oozing from certain characters, a few degrees lower than normal in “temperature”, still creates a cold shudder although the heating is on and I am far away from the “battlefield”.
Sister Dang says - in her book “ Mindfulness as medicine” - about the people who behave inhumanely
“You know, suffering on its own doesn’t bring empathy. It can make people ruthless. It can make people believe - I have suffered, you don’t know anything about my suffering - and you should suffer some”.
Life is not a bed of roses for the majority. We have moments of joy, sadness, more joy, more sadness - in other words we endure a lot. Some! We meet many people from many backgrounds - rich, not quite rich, educated, uneducated (hmm I have a lot to say about this but not now), professionals, morons and so on. On this journey we also come across .. bullies as well.
I took a few steps after lunch and came across the first snowdrops of the season!
What an uplifting moment it was!
So let’s talk about them a bit. Some people say that bullies are actually people who had to endure bullying in their lives, most likely in their formative years. OK, this is a topic I know a lot about. I’ve been thinking again and again … what makes some people act exactly the way they had the misfortune to experience while others who have a completely different reaction, are decent human beings?
Of course there are many factors. I like Sister Dang’s take on this. She said that .
“It’s only the understanding of our own suffering that will help us connect with other people, understand them in turn and want to help them.”
In other words, unresolved conflicts linger and just like a seed, take root. Again and again and again those people react to what had happened to them in the past. Their hurt is so deep, their fear so powerful that the only thing that soothes their wounded minds is to attack, to make others feel exactly like they must have felt years ago. They are incapable of letting go and moving on … the need to hurt others is too big, the compulsion way too powerful.
This morning I knew I needed to put myself first. I knew I needed to bring self compassion in the frontline, to stay put, to rest, to put an ice cold towel around my temple and recover.
I listened to more audio book chapters of “Wuthering Heights” and suddenly realised that we meet many Heathcliff characters in our lives. People with many histories. Seriously abused people - emotionally, physically who are in a never-ending turmoil and so lash out at whoever happens to be on their radar. Tormented souls who torment.
What is it about the classics that made them so skilful at capturing the essence of the human soul, describing it in such a way that hundreds of years after we can still relate to?
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