Behind the Beauty of Healing: Facing the Pain of Narcissistic Abuse
We are many people in an exaggerating form
I have a deep passion for intuitive painting, which allows me to explore and promote creativity as a form of emotional expression and self-healing. This interest intertwines with my focus on wellbeing and talking therapies, where I aim to empower others through self-discovery and personal growth. Tai chi, with its meditative movements, complements my practice by promoting balance and inner peace. I also find joy in reading and writing, which fuel my curiosity and provide a reflective space for processing ideas and experiences. These pursuits are all part of my holistic approach to living a balanced and mindful life.
You might look at my life now—my love for intuitive painting, tai chi, and creative expression—and think, “How wonderful, you’ve got it all figured out!” But behind this quest for healing, a quest which starts every single day is a long history of hurt, pain, and untold stories. Frozen emotions, like silent screams trapped inside, have shaped my journey and allowed me to understand others in similar situations.
The image of Munch’s “The Scream” often comes to mind when I think about the emotional freeze so many of us have experienced. It’s as if we’re trapped in time, prisoners of certain words and phrases, like a scene from “The Manchurian Candidate”. While not as extreme, it’s deeply painful and debilitating.
“You only have one mother,” her voice still echoes in your mind, accompanied by that familiar dread—your mouth dry, hands trembling, knees weak. Tears well up, but you dare not cry.
“Don’t give me those crocodile tears,” she’d say, robbing you of your right to feel. If these words resonate with you, then you know this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Triggers come unexpectedly. A phrase, a memory, even a look can bring it all flooding back. In those moments, time collapses. The past becomes the present, and you’re suspended between worlds, much like Alice in Wonderland, tumbling into a place that feels both surreal and terrifying.
If you’ve had the space to explore your feelings and heal, you may have tools in your arsenal to cope with these moments. But if you’re still battling, I want you to know—I hear you, I see you, and I feel you.
You may have endured one, or perhaps many forms of the mother-wound:
- Narcissistic mother
- Unavailable mother
- Angry mother
- Controlling mother
- Envious mother
- Emotionally unavailable mother
Often, these characteristics overlap, and many of us have been subjected to several. While emotions like anger or frustration can be normal in any human being, the issue arises in the frequency, intensity, and intention behind these reactions. When there’s no balance, no genuine justification, it turns into prolonged abuse. And in case you need to hear it again— nothing justifies prolonged abuse.
If the phrase “for your own good” echoes in your mind, I want to offer you a way to release its grip. Try this: shake your hands, your body—imagine physically releasing the energy of those words. These hurtful phrases are like weeds, and to heal, we need to pull them out, one by one. Visualize tweezers in your hands, plucking away these toxic thoughts, over and over again. This is not a one-time process—it takes practice, patience, and, above all, compassion for yourself.
Replacing Negative Thoughts with Healing Words
Here are a few ways you can start replacing those unwanted words from your past:
1. Mantras for Healing: I’ve practiced Kundalini yoga on and off for years, and using a mantra to replace hurtful words has been transformative. One mantra I use is *SA TA NA MA*—a chant that helps to realign my thoughts and emotions. You could create your own mantra that resonates with your journey, such as *“I appreciate myself,”* or *“I know who I am.”*
2. Affirmations of Self-Worth: Remind yourself daily that you are deserving of love, respect, and kindness. For instance:
- “I am worthy of unconditional love.”
- “My feelings matter.”
- “I release the pain of the past and welcome peace into my life.”
3. Mindful Visualisation: Picture those painful words like leaves in a stream, floating away from you. As each word drifts off, imagine yourself feeling lighter, freer, and more in control of your emotions.
4. Creative Expression: Whether through painting, writing, or movement, give yourself permission to express the feelings that have been trapped for so long.
Let the act of creation become your way of reclaiming your power.
Remember, healing is not linear, but each step you take brings you closer to your true self—the self that was never allowed to fully bloom. You are strong, and your story, no matter how painful, is valid.
You are not alone. We walk this path together.
Until next time, be well.
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